More poems...please critique!?

Rose


Happy- I'll be a rose, eternally blooming…just as our love…a rose, so sweet and exquisite…I'll be a fountain, forever falling for you… I remorse the past, but I know our future will be bright…For we'll always be together, and I know that we truly are meant to be…I would never die for you, since you are my reason to life…Just seeing you makes me smile…I know that our love is going to be always a fountain of everlasting happiness…Never change…for I love you, just the way you are…





Depressing- Our love has perished, just as a rose…lifeless in the cold, winter snow….For when I loved you, it was too late…Your heart was broken, and you would never love me again…In my child-like innocents, I mistreated the love you had for me….I'm sorry…It's time to face the truth, I will never be with you...I just want one more chance…As you see me slowly die, I hope you'll feel my pain…and forgive me…





im only 11 so its bad srri

More poems...please critique!?
Once again, very powerful imagery but too literal. I would never directly state words like "happy" or "depressed," because you should just set the stage and create the emotions without saying them. It would be much more powerful that way.





You should also try not to reveal everything you're thinking and feeling. You need to create some mystery in your poems. Don't make the theme so obvious and pointed. The reader should always have something to wonder about, but you don't leave anything to the imagination.





And don't apologize for your poems. They're not "bad!" You can't think of your work that way. You're talented, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! (especially since, on this site, people will).
Reply:keep writing. it all comes with hard work. you do have talent.
Reply:are you really experiencing that kind of love ...sometimes you have to have an experienceb of it for you to have the right expressions...not so deep ...but not so hollow...just the right
Reply:You can't use "remorse" like that.


You don't mean "life" you mean "live".


It's not "innocents" it's "innocence".


If you're only 11, you should keep writing.
Reply:you have been gifted with great insight at a young age...share your gift always..., be proud of such a rare gift ....thank you for sharing your poem with me.