What do you think of my writings?

Gentle and sweet the whisper seeps in the forest so deep beyond where


the king of three winters grow in the forest so dark there lies a spark.


Can you hear the silenced lark?





Soft and tender is my step to the old woman who has wept for the things


she has not kept. The forest is unforgiving for those among the living


but there she sits at the singing spring defiant to her fears and still


can she hear?





Curious eyes watch in sorrow for none know what brings on the morrow.


I kneal in the fern in the moon's glow and feel the tear trickle below.


She cradles the warrior like a child deep within this forest so wild.





Limb to limb, root to root I dance but not once did our eyes meet to


chance. In the moss they search for what is lost, their way distorted


and amiss to find a place like this.





Rustle the leaves for my whispers are free. Her sobs tell of the soul


the gods have robbed, brave he must have been this warrior she cradles.





Silent feet lead me close within the shadows of her soul.





"You hear me dont you healer? What will cure his wound grows deep in


the thistle dew, take my hand for I am no different than you and I will


show you where they grow. Fear not for your warrior so bold and brave


for this place will not be his grave if you truly believe."

What do you think of my writings?
hmm...sounds kinda depressing in a searching for hope kinda way...i like it.
Reply:Syrupy and trite... Worn out subject matter, used by amateur poets over and over and over... add nauseam. Don't quit your day job.
Reply:Can you email this to me so I can concentrate more just before my bed time and think of it.
Reply:I like how it rymes a lot. I don't really read many like this. Good Job!
Reply:The line breaks are off and the language is archaic (which is fine if you're going for the effect) but it is not consistent.





I doubt you can really hear a silenced lark...





I'm not so sure if I know what a lark looks like as opposed to another songbird, so I'm concerned that you have sacrificed too much meaning in the poem for stupid rhymes.





And there is much in terms of run-ons. Many poets are famous for writing long sentences in their lines, but they almost always are punctuated and designed so that they are grammatically sound. This shows laziness.