Bipolar mind what do u think of this poem?

My heart is black %26amp; whispers in the midnight wind.My soul flies inside your spirit. Do you feel me breath with you as You Ly still? Are you dancing to the music %26amp; laughing with the fairies?I tingle %26amp; spin with thoughts of us under the winters moon. Fire flies cry %26amp; stars fall. I crawl in circles trying to make them square. Bliss it tickles .My fingers tingle..My eyes are still.I am not as Content as I once was when I was lost in your charms. Where I once found a beginning my inner being cannot see end. All wasn't evil %26amp;ill. Unconditional love from an angels wings, will keep you swirling %26amp; floating amongst the earths clouds.An illusionists magic makes what was once banish appear before my eyes . Over %26amp; over tortures with slivers of a broken mirror. A reflection of love faded %26amp; berried under the shallow surface of my blue sea of salty sorrow. Under my skin u crawl to my mind %26amp; sleep in my heart. You will never leave. I am chained to you...Longing for a summers breath of innocents first kiss..Good night my love ...Sweet Dreams

Bipolar mind what do u think of this poem?
revealing
Reply:its more like prose 6/10





Edit: Actually I read it again and liked it more this time, you do have a talent you can develop.





You really need to run a spell check before you send stuff out (berried?). Im not at all sure about using ampersands and if your not going to put it verse then at least use paragraphs. Keep it up youll get there!
Reply:THAT IS a beautiful poem. Thats exactly how my mind feels. You are very talented. Thank You
Reply:Yes, it does need a little tweaking but not too much. I prefer raw talent over polished any day! Something gets lost when one refines their craft too much! Keep writing, expressing oneself is the best therapy in the world!
Reply:A good title for this poem would be "Inside A BiPolar Mind". I found it very good, loved the fantasies you added. Very describtive and holds my attention, couldn't wait to read the next line! If this was written in block form, it would be better understood. Like for instead:


My heart is black and whispers in the midnight wind,


My soul flies inside your spirit


Do you feel me breathe with you as you lie still?


ok, you get the idea. Not changing anything at all, just making it easier to read. You have a lot of talent and I love the way you are describing going in circles, trying to make them square, it is like trying to make sense of what is going on inside your head. Great writing here. Check your spelling twice and join a poetry group for more feedback and to get tips on writing. You have talent, don't waste it.
Reply:I'm sorry sweetie.. From the very first line it is desperately cliche and self loathing... Sounds like you're trying too hard to be Amy Lee? All it lacks is Lithium or some other reference to mental illness and/or co dependency?








Not good stuff. Very immature content that doesn't allow one to get past it, to what you are actually feeling for how you are incorectly expressing it. (Unless you Are a cliche personality) but even then, it still needs work...











You are young...and I too remember writing like this... It will get better. Remember poetry is like a fine gemstone, the more you polish it the better it shines and shows your reflection. Keep trying and keep polishing it.
Reply:take this link u have talent so keep writing http://www.poemhunter.com
Reply:I liked it . It is like looking in a mirror. Keep up the good work.