I started a story but cant finish it can you help me please?

This is all I got can you help me get some more ideas in their so I can get a page (double-spaced)? thank you.... here it is:





Alaska





My cousin Natalie and I spent our winter in Alaska . We usually stayed inside, and when it was light we were outside. We trained and ran dogs for


sled teams for the Iditarod race. My most prized possession was my dog, Bree. Bree was sweet not to mention innocent, not exactly a sled dog. Bree was like Jenna in Balto, and Nana from Snow Dogs. She was wanting to be a lead dog but she was a Akita and a Collie mixed. Not the prettiest dog, but Bree was pretty to me. Natalie and my dogs, were named from lead dog to wheel dogs, are lead: Max, 1st team dog: Jake, 2nd: Bear, 3rd:, 4th: Bon, 5th: Yukon, 6th: Bailey, %26amp; the last two dogs are wheel dogs are Murphy and Scarlett-Satin.

I started a story but cant finish it can you help me please?
You have 133 words--which is about a 1/3 of the page; (375 words would fill up a single page)--you could expand this really easily in no time at all. Add in some descriptions--what does Alaska look like in the winter, how is the weather, what do the dogs look like, etc.





Show your audience, don't tell them. Use vivid descriptions and open your story with a hook--a line that will draw your audience in and want to read/hear more. Make the reader feel like they are there in the frozen noth in the middle of winter.





Also, explain things more--why was Bree your most prized dog, show her in detail, describe her. Describe her personality--saying that she is like Jenna and Nana isn't very helpful if your audience isn't familiar with the movies that those dogs are from. Also if you describe her in detail, you'll be adding more words, which means you'll be closer to your one page goal.





In addition to this, you should consider editing out repeat words--for example you use the name Bree three times in a row in three sentances. "My most prized possession was my dog, *Bree*. *Bree* was sweet not to mention innocent, not exactly a sled dog. *Bree* was like..." My suggestion is that you should fix this by replacing the second 'Bree' with "she".





Also, you should vary sentance lenght. It's a good practice to get into. The length of the average sentace is about 22 words. Throughout a story, even a short one, you should try to vary the lenght as to not tire the reader. In addition to this, your last sentance--"Natalie and my dogs, *were* named from lead dog to wheel dogs, *are* lead: Max, 1st team dog: Jake, 2nd: Bear, 3rd:, 4th: Bon, 5th: Yukon, 6th: Bailey, %26amp; the last two dogs are wheel dogs are Murphy and Scarlett-Satin" is a bit long. You could break this one up a bit. Furthermore, you don't have the verb tense agreeing--you have "were" and "are". The "are" should be changed to "were" to agree with the tense of the rest of the story. Furthermore, you should write out "and" in the sentance instead of using the "%26amp;" symbol.





Hope that was of some help and good luck on your story.





BTW: You should be doing your own homework, not asking others to write it for you--it's not fair to your classmates who are working hard on their own stories.
Reply:From what you have already written I don't know what your taking about. I don't know anything about sled dogs so if I were reading this I would want to know how the dogs get to be sled dogs and what determines their position on the sled they get. I think your assuming everyone know how this all works. Try to explain the process and how each dog gets to be where they are.


I would want to know because it sounds really interesting.
Reply:well to be honest what you have written is hard to read.....try expanding on what you have and give more details about why you were there racing dogs....i would put the names of the dogs and there order in when you start talking about racing....also did you win or not...what did you do while you were inside.....and isn't it light for months at a time in Alaska.....i think i heard something about that.....talk about that.....you have a good start......but you definitely need to put some more info in there.....you have a lot about Bree and now add that kinda detail to the rest of it and you'll have a page in no time....good luck...
Reply:how about you do your homework by yourself honey