What you think about this poem...all you poetry lovers?

MANKIND


In its vain battle


To understand


The unknown


While searching


For a truth


Untold.





Mankind,


Where it takes an extinction


Of your own kind


To create


An inspiration


In a world


Insane and blind.





Mankind,


In its ignorant entity


Blind,


Unaware of sweet gravity


..Anchoring us,


A better life


To lead.


A better person,


To be...











The struggles of man


They say


Begin at birth.


Holding us hostage,


Leading us all


To our inevitable death








Mankind,


Where everything


And anything


Comes to place


For a reason


In the nick of time


Be it any season.


Winter summer


Spring and fall


We humans


Shall walk tall


Awaiting the day


Where everything shall cease to exist


And our lives will be gone


Like a shadow,


Lost in the dawning mist.





Roads meet


Voyages merge


To destinations unknown


While we search


Deep within our souls


And everything we own


To satisfy our deepest cravi

What you think about this poem...all you poetry lovers?
Pretty good.Do you want to hear mine.I'm 13 and loves to write love poems.





It's hard





It's hard to understand when


you have your head in the ground





It's hard to understand that


everything is fine when you are away





It's hard to understand everything


that you say when you say it clearly





It's hard to understand that


we are the same but totally two different individuals





It's hard to understand the


two of us are meant to be











Can't you





Can't you see I can only


open my heart for so long





Can't you see when I let


you in you don't open your heart





Can't you see


I'm cryin' in the inside





But you


don't see me cryin'





You don't


let me in your heart





And you don't see


my heart is open for you








Pay attention





Pay attention


to not let me go





Pay attention


to when I love some one ealse





And not you





Pay attention


to your heart





Pay a little attention


to your brain





Pay a little attention


to the future





And pay no attention


to the past





Always pay attention


to us and right now








My name is Chris





My name is Chris


I am three,


My eyes are swollen


I cannot see,


I must me stupid


I must be bad,


What ealse could have made my daddy so mad?


I wish I were better


I wish I weren't ugly


Then maybe mommy


would still want to hug me


I can't do a wrong


I can't speak at all


Or ealse I'm locked up all day long


When I'm awake I'm all alone


The house is ark


My folks aren't home


When mommy does come home


I'll try and be nice,


So maybe I'll get just one whipping tonight


I just heard the car


My daddy is back


From Charlie's bar


I hear him curse


My name is called


I press myself against the wall


I try to hide


From his evil eyes


I'm so afraid now


I'm starting to cry


He finds me weeping


Calls me ugly words,


He says it's my falt that he suffers at work


He slaps and hits me more,


I finally get free and run to the door


He's already locked it


And I start to bawl,


He takes me and throws me against the hard wall


I fall to the floor with my bones nearly brocken,


And my daddy continues with more bad words nearly spoken,


"I'm sorry!"I scream


But now it's too late


His face has been twisted


Into an unimagineable shap


The hurt and the pain


Again and again


O please God,have mercy


O please let it end!


And finally he stops


And he heads for the door


While I lay motionless


Spraled on the floor


My name is Chris


I am three,


Tonight my daddy


Murderd me








Will you





Will you understand me


since I understand you





Will you care for me


like I care for you





Will you love me


like I love you





Will you hate me


like I can hate you





Will you take


me by the hand when I fall from the sky





Will you carry


me when I'm weak





Will you always be there


for me,like I can for you








You are blind





You are blind


for not seeing me





You are blind


for not loving me





You are blind


for not listening to me





I am blind


for beleiving you





I am blind


for loving you





I am blind


for listening to your lies





And yet again


I love you
Reply:Who wrote this nice poem?
Reply:I like it, it starts a bit, dark, then lightens a little.





Your pacing is a bit jarring in the middle, you also break off your 'mankind' theme a bit, otherwise well written.





Written words should have a pattern, a patter to them. Even a good novel will have a flow to the words. Poetry should be what you tried for here, not so much matching a specific pattern, such as a Haiku with it's specific structure, but the words and the meanings create a flow, one reason why reading out loud is always a good way to catch if it works well or not. (Especially someone else doing a ‘cold’ reading out loud.





For instance, using a word that stands out- or a term that makes one stop reading to think about the ideas that word triggers can be in certain circumstances useful- but usually only at the end, otherwise it can be very distracting.





If a reader is in the flow- it's the memory's, the feeling the reader associates with the words that work, if they have to stop reading to think- "Wow, how about that!" It's very hard for them to return to the flow of the work, to get their mind back into ‘it’, the work.





Hard to explain, but within the work it needs to flow and move in it's pacing, like a wave pattern, or a musical scale.





Look at Dr. Seuss, his words flow, yet they are designed to make you pause, to look at the pictures, then think about what you read as you turn the page. Brilliant design to his medium.





Remember, it's not your words and emotion you are after- it's triggering emotion and memories in your reader. If you try to force the reader to see only your own view- with out room or being aware of their own (the reader's) viewpoint and interpretation, the work will not be as effective.





Yes, I know this is a bit of over-analyzing, but that's why effortless writing takes such hard work.





Hope that helps a bit.
Reply:Muddled. Deep. But less poetry than say observation. Although it is subjective so..
Reply:I'm going to be honest here. The beauty of poetry is the ability to paint a picture with words.





The phrase that is used is 'show -- don't tell'.





Your poetry shows me nothing but tells everything. It has no imagination.





The subject is good, but try to think of new ways to say what you're saying. Make us see it. Otherwise, it's everything we've already heard with nothing to hold our interest.





For example, try something like "the scream and blood of conception' rather then 'begin at birth' (it's the idea here, not necessarily the exact example)





Keep going though, Poetry is an art. It needs practice and refining. It's never finished.
Reply:Definitely some talent here.
Reply:man kind.
Reply:very good
Reply:rather lengthy, but I like it for the most part...who wrote it?
Reply:Wonderful. But you didn't credit the poet.