Some poems! please help me...?

Rose


I'll be a rose, eternally blooming…just as our love…a rose, so sweet and exquisite…I'll be a fountain, forever falling for you… I remorse the past, but I know our future will be bright…For we'll always be together, and I know that we truly are meant to be…I would never die for you, since you are my reason to live…Just seeing you makes me smile…I know that our love is going to be always a fountain of everlasting happiness…Never change…for I love you, just the way you are…





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Our love has perished, just as a rose…lifeless in the cold, winter snow….For when I loved you, it was too late…Your heart was broken, and you would never love me again…In my child-like innocence, I mistreated the love you had for me….I'm sorry…It's time to face the truth, I will never be with you...I just want one more chance…As you see me slowly die, I hope you'll feel my pain…and forgive me…





im just 11....email me mmiyashiro13@punahou.edu


or aim me MikiMisi95@mac.com

Some poems! please help me...?
Not bad for your age.





One suggestion. You seem to be enamored with contradictory statements juxtaposed against each other.





That's not a wise option. A reader wants consistency more than anything else. You don't provide that.





Example: "It's time to face the truth, I will never be with you...I just want one more chance..."





Those statements seem contradictory to me.





Maybe you were going for a mental construct that I missed.





Anyway, you certainly have potential. I liked the way you tried to use the concept of a rose to represent two opposite emotions.
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Reply:I like your poem, but do not get depressed...I am sure she will forgive you and she will give you a 2nd chance...you must keep on trying!